strong words, floppy outcome: the tortada tradgedy.

Every few months we are guaranteed something new from taco bell. very rarely will there be an actual new ingredient, just a different combination of the same few things that taco bell regularly has to offer. i'm not here to bash taco bell. i am a fan. there have been monumental fast food breakthroughs from taco bell (example: cheesy gordita crunch). decades ago we we upgraded from bad dog meat to good dog meat. after that, the chicken was upgraded to chicken. carne asada was introduced. a few newbies for the bell, if you would recall: the enchirito, grilled stuft burrito, volcano taco, fiesta platter, nacho crunch burrito, the crunchwrap, cheesy beefy melt, beefy cheesy crunches, etc. unfortunately, we are not going to be graced with a new ingredient, just another combo of tricks... and a new marketing ploy.

the introduction.

"tastier than a sandwich, and better looking too" says the taco bell voiceover. oh, really taco bell? i'll let you brag about your new tacos and burritos all day long. you are more than welcome to call anything "supreme" by a dousing of sour cream from a dairy canon. i'll even allow you to continue to make up and use words like "melty" and "crunchwrap". but if you think that you can start to talk shit to a sandwich, you better come correct.

taco bell's newest creation.

ladies and gentleman the folks at taco bell have created another word/menu item. the "tortada" is here. available in bacon ranch and salsa roja. since i have an ongoing romance with bacon, it wouldn't be fair for me to evaluate anything with bacon in it. it's nature's candy and a sure-fire way to get a high score. i went with the salsa roja tortada. a warm flour tortilla loaded with fire-grilled marinated all-white meat chicken, crisp shredded lettuce, fiesta salsa, flavorful salsa roja, and a blend of three cheeses – cheddar, pepper jack, and mozzarella, all grilled together hot and toasty. nothing too crazy, but it sounds good enough to try.

what really happened

they called a square burrito a sandwich. shame on you, taco bell.

the packaging

i love packaging. dating back to the styrofoam big-mac container, i have always appreciated a clever package. taco bell houses some very nice packaging techniques. my favorite is the mexican pizza holder. it's great. there are many working components to the box. it is easy for the employee to slide the mexican pizza in it because of its interlocking pieces. while in the box, the pizza remains hot and protected from harm due to arrogant tacos and burritos flying aroung above. with the new word/snack, i was expecting another great container to protect the new tortada. i was shocked when i discovered what my tortada was in. it was a quesadilla wrapper! not only that, the salsa roja tortada couldn't even take up half of the space. extremely let down. Picture on top is shown next to a fire sauce packet and a square of toilet paper for reference. however, one does lead to the other. picture on bottom is to show you how dumb it actually looks when unveiled. imagine how stupid you would feel pulling out a square burrito from a misfit quesadilla bag. ridiculous.

consumption.

once the dumbness and disappointment subdued, i was ready to destroy my tortada. it was fairly easy to eat. the diagonal cut helped this floppy version of a sandwich stay up long enough to get a few bites in. there was a lot of tortilla over-lapping which lead to some delicious chewy bites. luckily, the lettuce still had a little bit of crunch left which was nice considering the chicken, salsa and cheese needed a crunch companion. but overall the tortada was lacking is taste, flavor and originality.

the aftermath.

personally, i have the ability to "handle" my taco bell. the salsa roja tortada threw nothing at me the i haven't seen or handled before. no crazy heartburn, burps, farts or sudden darts to the toilet. the 268 gram psuedo-sandwich provided 480 calories. 130 of them from fat. 14 grams of fat, while 6 of those grams are saturated fat. (bacon ranch tortada: 570 cal, 24g total fat, 6g saturated fat). somehow, both of the tortadas are loaded with sodium. they each contain about 80% of your daily allowance of sodium (1,900 out of total 2,400 *based on a 2,00 calorie diet).

the verdict.

like i mentioned earlier, i am a fan of taco bell. but i am not a fan of the new tortadas. simply, it is just a square burrito. not only that, its a mediocre burrito. which leads to mediocre marketing. and mediocre packaging... i will return to taco bell, but i now know to stay away from the tortada. it breaks my heart but the tortada gets a D+.