Making the Purchase
Hello foodies, The Beef here, on they fly with Dr. Jfood. I was on my way to check out my buddy's new flat screen when I realized I was fading. I needed an energy boost so I hit up 7-11 to see what they had to offer. They had the usual's on draft, I almost always pass on the Slurpee so this led me to the fridge. I have never had a regular Monster Energy Drink before, and I must say the size of their cans is a bit intimidating, but I wasn't ready to go full soda this early in the day (2pm). I realized I was craving coffee, and chocolate, and energy. Behold! Loca Moca. Since elementary Spanish teaches us that an "A" suffix is feminine I figured this drink may be more mild than advertised but luckily I was wrong.
I made my way over to my friends place and poured this bad girl in to a glass so I could inspect it. True to form it was a milky coffee color which I have to admit I was a bit surprised given the colors the kids love these days. I was so impressed I checked out the ingredients (these come to us from the corporate site):
Reduced Fat Milk, Filtered Water, Sucrose, Glucose, Coffee, Natural Flavors, Taurine, Sodium Citrate, Natural Gum Stabilizers, Panax Ginseng Root Extract, Natural Colors, Tricalcium Phosphate, Ascorbic Acid, Caffeine, Niacinamide, Sucralose, Glucuronolactone, Guarana Seed Extract, Inositol, L-Carnitine, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Riboflavin, Maltodextrin, Cyanocobalamin.
Alright there are some big ones in there but I think it's important to note that the first 5 ingredients are naturally occurring substances, and there is in fact real coffee in this drink, alas there is no chocolate, only "natural flavors". Also noteworthy is that there is milk in here, so lactards be aware. FYI Milk first, then water.
Consumption
I took my first sip with a wary caution. To my surprise it tasted great. An ultrasweet blend of coffee, milk, chocolate natural flavors, and of course sugar. I consulted the can for more info and found out there are actually 2 servings of monster energy in here. Perhaps in Europe you may stash the second serving for later, but this is America and like your Grandma always told you, you gotta finish whats on your plate. I was 2 servings deep and 10 minutes out when the energy kicked in.
I felt an immediate boost and that ultra tingly skin feeling I get when I've had a mega dose of caffeine. Of course the elusive ingredient Taurine is in here too (the backbone of Red Bull), and I am sure it contributed to my overall buzz. I felt awake, I felt alive, I felt ready to play first person shooters till my eyes bled. I felt.....
The Aftermath
I felt like I had to poo with a desperate urgent quickness. Coffee is a notorious laxative, and supercharged coffee should not be taken lightly. Thank god my friends apartment has two bathrooms as well because the demands that Moca Loca puts on ones bowels are intense. Meanwhile the Monster grew inside me. I continued to feel more awake and energized, but not in an uncomfortable way and this is perhaps the best feature of them all. Even though I was fully revved up, I didn't feel like I had to run a mile or my heart would burst, and I was fine sitting down and chilling afterwords. This beast didn't wear off fast either and I felt pretty good for the rest of the day, and the come down was pretty easy, not a violent sugar coma crash.
Final Thoughts
I liked this drink and I was surprised that I did. I would even buy this again if I needed a serious boost. The fact that there are 2 servings in every can, and you know you're going to drink the whole can does make this a pretty heavy drink, and you'll definitely be consuming some milk which can go a few different ways. I would not drink this on a road trip though, because you'll be begging for another pit stop within minutes of your first sip. Moca Loca tastes great, and delivers a high powered boost that will not fail you for hours.
Grade:
I give this a solid B.
